the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize