I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
