Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
