Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
