some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
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