i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
