I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize
