i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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