He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Randomize
