We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
