We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Farmville is her only friend.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
