ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
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