Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
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No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
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All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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