The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
is it fun? or sober?
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
