My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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