I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
