wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
