You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
