dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
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