He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
