I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
My life is pants optional.
His nipple licking is glorious
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