i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
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Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
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