So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
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