She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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