I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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