I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Randomize
