i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
