Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Randomize
