why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
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