I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
