she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
