Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
He's on the porch naked. Help.
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