Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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