i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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