I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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