Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
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