I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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