woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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