you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
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I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
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I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while