he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize
