ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
