can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
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