I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
