there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
