If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
