I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
