you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
17 year olds will be the death of me.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
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