addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Randomize
