he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Randomize
