I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
