Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
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