so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
