just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
