I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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