Hey man sorry I got all grabby
my mouth tastes like poor choices
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
