God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
