I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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