i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Randomize
