she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
