Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
