Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Randomize
