If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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