so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
