so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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