Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
