I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
