My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Randomize
