Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
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