she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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